Entertain Yourself.

I feel like I'm old enough to use the phrase "in my day." For example, IN MY DAY, entertainers didn't have to apologize for being entertaining. Case in point, this recent headline about three stars of the hit show Glee. All three individuals are in their twenties but play high school aged students on the show, which has attracted a fan base beyond a high school audience. They posed for GQ magazine and before the issue has even hit the stands, apologies are already being issued (half-hearted as they may be) by the stars for the provocative nature of the photos. I suppose next, Playboy will issue apologies for printing risque photos. (Wait, that was Kim Kardashian's line...)

Anyone familiar with GQ magazine wouldn't blink an eye. Those offended by it are obviously still reading it...keep living that double standard! Keep telling yourself you're taking that bullet for Moral America.

My Need

In the past 2 days I have received offers from friends for a new cell phone and new headphones.
Have I mentioned that I need an Alexander McQueen knuckle duster clutch??

Seriously, I'm getting new stuff this week, I swear. Starting with the headphones. These pups will not sustain me much longer. Not after listening to Maggie's noise cancelers. Complete with ridicule of my music choice! Balkan brass bands are my thing right now, you can't take THAT away, too.

Muzak

Sometime last spring I wrote about coming to the realization that I need new things around the house, like a new hairbrush and new tennis shoes for my husband. I feel like the time of the season is upon is once again.

I love to shop. I spend too much time perusing the net for new items and sales, and I'm damn good at it, too. I always have some sort of coupon code, point system, miles, cash back or other gimmick working to my advantage. The kicker here is that this is generally for items that I want and not necessarily need, like accessories. I stalk items I want until I find the lowest possible price and save myself hundreds of dollars on really amazing purses. My husband tells me that since the item is not 'needed,' it's not really 'saving.' My answer to this is that if the item is going to show up at my house regardless of need, be glad that I am saving you hundreds of dollars in the process. Think I shouldn't be considering handbags that price in the hundreds? My answer to this is that I can barely (and I mean barely) wear shoes. Most women pride themselves on their footwear. I have to be grateful anything is wearable, let alone matches and also looks good on top of it. Of course, they rarely match or look good...so I have to take this frustration out on something, preferably something that draws the eye up...and is not my rack.

I digress.

I will go to great lengths for a handbag. I will stalk it like a stealthy cheetah on Planet Earth and snipe it on sale, getting bonus miles and free shipping on top of it. So why, why, why is it that when I truly NEED something, I am the last person on earth to realize it? Case in point: my headphones at work.

I bought these beauties at Wal-Mart on Christmas break in 2003. I had just purchased my first iPod that fall and left it in my dorm room over break like an idiot. I had to resort to using my discman. The horror. On top of it, we had no headphones to speak of at my mom's, so off to Wally World I went. One Nelly Furtado "Folklore" CD and a pair of $4 headphones later, I was rockin'...and I still am.
I have gone through many pairs of those crappy iPod ear buds since then, but the Koss (that's their brand name) have outlasted them. The music never crackles and is always playing evenly in both ears. The right earphone is held on to the headband with Scotch tape, which sometimes rips out my hair. The left earphone foam (which has magically not disintegrated) is barely hanging on and is almost just a ring of foam...but they still make sweet music for me!

The Koss are the butt of many jokes around the office. One coworker even brought me an old pair of her headphones (not held together by Scotch tape) but they were a little crackly and I feel that I get more ear coverage/surround sound with the Koss.
I tend to crank my music, especially when everyone leaves the office. Often times, it's just Manicure Maggie and I around here as other coworkers commute and come before 9 to avoid traffic. This side of the office is generally barren, so we can't bother too many people by cranking our Lady Gaga. (OK, so that's probably just my musical choice.) Since I'm a music cranker, I feel that ear buds are not for me, not to mention they're ridiculously uncomfortable. I have been told I need to be in the market for noise-canceling headphones. I'm looking for something that will allow me to blare my music for my listening enjoyment, while not bothering others, and most of all not damage my hearing. So, I'm looking for, as Maggie would say, magical unicorn dust.

So again, the more someone tells me I need to do something, the more I don't do it. Today's drug of choice? Seven year old, $4, Koss headphones from Wal-Mart that are LITERALLY held together by a string. 

Two and a half years after I brought these puppies to the office in this Scotch-taped condition, I'm starting to get the feeling that it might be time to not only let them go, but to upgrade to a better listening experience. 

High on my wish list are the Beats by Dr. Dre headphones...why do I like these? Could it be their 'powered amplification?' Their precision engineering to reveal 'the full sound of today's digital music'? Nope. I like them because the name Dr. Dre is stamped on them. Anything endorsed by a doctor MUST be good, especially a doctor of music that spins beats in a Dr. Pepper commercial. 'Trust me, I'm a doctor.' Because nothing says 'knowledgeable' like a man who goes triple platinum with an album titled 'The Chronic.' 

Am I going to drop $300 on the Beats? If you've been reading, you know I don't take medical advice...so chances are, I will not be enjoying the full sound of today's digital music through these phones anytime soon. Not when there are $300 purses calling my name. (And, to be frank, $3,000 ones, too, but those would be noticed by a certain someone on our bank statement...)

My point on this, the third day of my irritating habits week, is that after 2+ years of jabs at the Koss, I believe I am now ready to upgrade. It takes me years to get on board, people. 




And a note on my cell phone...the plastic of the faceplate is peeling off in a light brown, flaky mess. 

More Ways I Can Irritate You

I have unofficially dubbed this as 'how much more annoying can I get' week. You can learn all about my bad habits this week.

Bear in mind, I am an individual that is hard-wired to go against the grain. This can be blamed partially on my genes and partially because of how much I've had to deal with in life in general. The latter makes me superior than you at knowing what is best for me. I generally don't listen to advice (most of which has been medical in my life) because it never works. I see most pieces of advice as useless tidbits of trivia that will never apply to my life. If they did, I would have thought of them before you. Deal with that. And the more times I am told to do something, the more I will not do it. You can deal with that, too.

I have a few friends that always have immaculate nails. They enjoy getting manicures and collecting multiple bottles of polish. The color is switched up on a semi-regular basis. They have a manicurist. They feel naked without their manicure.

I used to give a crap about my nails. I used to switch the color often. Somewhere along the line, I fell off this wagon. My nails are weak. I never file them. They break off, anyway. I never file the breakage, either. I rarely push back the cuticles. I rip off hangnails in a violent, bloody mess. I sometimes chew my nails thanks to an inherited habit from my father. (I would have much preferred having your track and field abilities, dad.) For some odd reason I have been inspired lately to paint my nails more. I bought a couple of bottles of polish. This is where my suaveness ends...before it truly begins.

I perused Sephora's new line of polishes this summer, usually swatching the colors I liked on my thumb. I bought 3 bottles over a few weeks' time, leaving the swatched color on my thumb. I went to work like this, positively horrifying one friend. (As I am dubbed "Purse Maven" on her blog for obvious reasons, I shall dub her "Manicure Maggie." Her name is not Maggie.) Maggie was truly horrified. I can't blame her, it was tacky, walking around with a painted thumbnail like a bad homage to MJ's white glove. I did this with all three of the colors I purchased. I finally got around to swiping off the thumb swatch...when I felt like it.

Sometime last week I sat down and did a quick paint of all ten fingers with this gray-ish lavender shade I am really into. I am very into gray. I am also into purple when fall rolls around. It happens inevitably every year. It is also inevitable that the magazines will tell you that purple is the it color of this year's fall season. This has happened for probably the past 3 years that I've noticed. Teal sometimes has a Renaissance in the fall as well. As I've said, I don't follow advice very well. This especially pertains to 'in colors' of the season. Though I find some inspiration in seasonal colors, I tend to wear whatever colors I feel like. This includes white after Labor Day. Regardless, I slapped on my gray-ish lavender shade on all ten fingers with little attempt to do a 'manicure' in the traditional sense. No pushing back of the cuticles, no base coats...just paint on all ten nails.

As my manicure winds itself down, I think of you manicured ladies. You know who you are. I look at my chipped nails and think, "this would really annoy my best friend, Cousin S," or "I wonder if Manicure Maggie's going to stop by my desk and tell me it's time to let it go." I should care. I like these people. They are good enough friends to tell me the truth as I need to hear it. I appreciate that above all about them. Still, I have a 'should' detector in my brain. It also carries a pitchfork and has horns. It knows very well the things I should be doing...and disobeys on purpose. Remember, we are close enough that you know to love me is to love my rebellion.

Am I willing to have a trashy looking manicure at the expense of not following advice? For a few days, I am. 

My favorite finger with chipped polish, for your viewing pleasure.

On being inept at cell phones in 2010.

Have you been trying to reach me? So have other people. For years. My ineptness with the modern device known as the 'mobile' has a long history...

I didn't get my first cell phone until 2001 during my second year of college. It was a Christmas gift I had asked for, which means I didn't join the human race until the post 9/11 world. And it was pre-paid. Commitments are not my thing (though I have a husband.) I spent a lot of time on campus and wanted a way other than a pay phone (what's that??) to reach my mom if I needed to while at class/work or to reach friends while bumming around a huge state-school campus.

Funny thing about cell phones: their batteries need to be charged. Regularly, apparently. They also can be detached from the charger and taken with you wherever you go! They are amazing little devices...if you remember to charge them and put them in your bag, preferably in that order. A lot of people used cell phones as a handy little way to lie to their parents about their whereabouts. My mother never cared where I was while at college, so long as she had a general idea of my plans and a way to reach me if necessary. I was never scolded about being out too late and getting my school work done. I was one of the lucky few that had a generally open and trusting relationship with my mom. Instead, I was chastised for receiving a cell phone that was either never charged, or always in my dorm while I was out. Using too much air time was an issue my mother never had with my phone.

Living in Taiwan was an eye-opening experience. I still say the system they had while I was there in 2002-2003 is better than ours currently. All cell phones have a sim card. You don't need to be committed to any carrier or contracts. You simply buy a phone and a sim card. Minutes are purchased on a pre-paid basis at your local 7/11, which are plentiful in Taipei. I am sure that in 2010 they have thought of more incredible ways to be more logical than we are where telecommunications are involved, but this system was ingenious to me at the time, and frankly still is. Sure, we have pre-paid options here in the states, but they still require that you choose a carrier, possibly even have some sort of contract. Most cell phones in the US are pretty much useless when visiting another country, or exorbitantly expensive. When visiting Hong Kong, my friend simply swapped out his Taiwan sim card for a Hong Kong sim card and purchased minutes. Furthermore, these phones were never charged for incoming calls or texts, only for outgoing.

This is part of the reason I chose TMobile. I am married to the sim card idea. My husband has Sprint. It does not work in our house or his lab, nor does it have a sim card. Getting a new phone is a whole process for him that requires going to a Sprint store for them to program it. I can simply switch out my sim card.

Granted, I realize that I am ranting on an invention that is a decade old, which makes it a dinosaur in the technology world. I also realize I am completely oblivious to any new inventions out there that may have surpassed the sim card in convenience. In my world, cell phones are still used for phone calls...

While in Taiwan, it was quite en vogue then to have the smallest phone possible. This is when I fell in love with the V70. I, too, have fallen prey for the smallest possible devices fashion, which is moving past me even where digital cameras are concerned. (I refuse to carry a huge camera. I travel a lot. The SLRs are not for me.) I kept my V70 dinosaur even though I am 3 cell phones past it. One of those phones was the Dolce Gabanna incarnation of the RAZR. My husband was none too pleased at what I spent on it just to have the D&G logo emblazoned on it. I treat phones as an accessory that sometimes receive calls. Prada has a few phones out...these are the most interesting items I have seen on the cell market as of late...which shows you where my priorities lie.

Pack ratting the V70 paid off. My latest incarnation of the RAZR is lying in pieces at home. Don't ask...just picture the Incredible Hulk, which was incidentally my nickname as a 10 pound newborn. (That didn't lead to poor self esteem...)

So I am currently rocking the V70 again. It's battery is coughing and wheezing, asking to be charged at least every 24 hours, or more if I intend to receive calls. I found out the hard way that I am not receiving text messages at the moment. In fact, as you may already know, I am also not taking calls. The battery has been dead since Saturday. This has prompted people to email me, use my landline, and even in one case actually knock on my door.

If my lack of responsiveness has annoyed you, I assure you that I think I am at the height of cell phone fashion with this phone. It's still got a sleek bod. I ooh and ahh at its blue lights. Black and neon blue! Those are its two colors on the screen. The buttons (OMG, my phone actually has buttons) are so tiny, I can barely press them. When I did receive texts, I read about five words at a time before having to scroll (its screen is probably 1"x1"). Texting back was laborious. The charger is bigger than the phone itself. While it does receive calls when charged, it does not have a camera. In fact, I am wondering if, when I did have a camera phone, the photos were stored on the sim card or the phone itself? Is the card full? Is this the reason for not receiving texts? With no way to delete the photos on this phone? It has come to this, all...

I have been complaining about wanting a smart phone for at least a year now. While I do know what those are, I don't know enough about them to choose which one I want. Decision making is a source of anxiety for me, as is committing to a device I have to pay for up front in order to avoid a contract. Furthermore, most of these phones are ugly. Apparently, what the phone looks like does not matter in 2010. They are large, clunky devices that do entirely too much. Often times, they do not have buttons. They require things like data plans added on to your bill. By the time I choose a device I like, I realize it's not on TMobile. Again, I've been a TMobile customer for 7 years, though I've heard rumblings of a Sprint merger. I have unlimited minutes and no contract under the loyalty plan. I am a happy TMobile customer that has rarely had a dropped call. In a small way, taking my business to a company with foreign roots was my small 'F you' to the American cell phone industry, which I have found to be the most inconvenient on the planet. This is my personal opinion with clearly no scientific or technological evidence. Does a person who wants a phone that is magically always charged and grows legs to follow her have the clout to make this kind of judgment? Probably not...

Is there a resolution to this rant? Not today. I will continue to be irritating with my mobile absence. My phone will be charged intermittently. I may or may not receive your texts. I may or may not soon rip the band-aid and breakdown and get a Blackberry, which even as I typed it almost came out "Burberry." Having a Blackberry may bring me in to at least 2005...and if Burberry makes a phone, I'm there...

Trina Hat?

My husband just said the Trina hat (photo posted in the last entry) was "so-so." I look good in hats though! Indecision, indecision.
Opinions?

Neglectful

I've been neglecting this blog for the sake of other things. New Twitter account. And time, a general lack of it. And email. Lots and lots of email, in which I've been "shop talkin" with the ladiezzz. I think I'll bring the shop talk here.

It never ceases to amaze me that a great majority of my lady pals (who come from all backgrounds and walks of life) enjoy fashion, shopping, and cosmetics. While society would like us to believe these topics are petty and unimportant, I have gone down the road of neglecting my appearance...it was not a happy time! I'm glad to say I'm back in action, even if my husband, the same husband that didn't appreciate my slump-chic clothing, doesn't thank me for the spending! (Though, I have it documented that he said he doesn't want to know what stuff costs when I shop. Fair enough!) So naysayers be damned, I LIKE CLOTHES. There's a reason we're among the world's worst dressed, and those Juicy-assed pants aren't the only culprits. Far too many American women sacrifice their appearance for their kids, hate their size and promise to buy themselves clothes on a skinnier tomorrow, or let the same society that feeds them heroine-eyed, pre-pubescent "models" tell them that fashion is not important. I, for one, am tired of falling victim to the "I'm fat and therefore can't look cute" trap. Call it superficial, call it whatever, I'm done with listening to naysaying dialogue of society, or the fat devil on my shoulder.

Pep talk, done. On to the shop talk, ladiezzz. My coworker turned me on to Trina Turk, a California designer whose multiculti and retro pieces send me into a Saturday-morning-cartoon-commercial-break-"I want that"-tantrum. It's always a bright spot in my day when said coworker sneaks me a Trina link to say "look what I got/want." (Said coworker has lots of pretty Trina items in her wardrobe.) I got to perusing, and fell in love with this ensemble.

The necklace, on sale, was sold out on the Trina site, but I found it on Bloomingdales.com ON A BIGGER SALE with an extra 15% OFF! Trina Turk under $100? Huzzah! I even logged in to my Delta SkyMiles account to earn roughly 300 frequent flier miles on the purchase. DAMN I'm good. The hat may be in my very near future...have to pace myself!
I'm an accessorizing fool, and I'm giddy with my first Trina Turk purchase!

Even I'm not buying it.

I'm all for impractical fashion. If I could, I'd be sporting six inch heels with the best of 'em. I get the whole fashion as art and inspiration for what becomes available to the masses. I'm an envelope pusher, so I like it when it's done in the medium of clothing.
But this is for the birds. Quite literally. Like, I was attacked by a swarm of them. And I paid over $1K to dress like it. The grand total for this piece of shit? (Really, what else can I call it?)

$1625

Soldiers, save your fatigues, your look is hot this season!

This Yahoo article calls out the bullshit. Take out the trash, we're not buying it. And I love bags, especially impractical ones. But any old fool can grab a Hefty from under the sink and call it a knock off to those handbags.

My husband had a TShirt like that once. It had a dinosaur on it and a strategic hole over the nipple, dangerous when you consider he works in a lab. I should post it on Ebay for $2,000. His, after all, has a dinosaur on it.

Speaking of my husband, his largest complaint about America is that we dress like crap. And it's totally true for a large majority. (Though I argue that if our comfy clothes were as chic AND comfy as saris, we wouldn't have this problem.) When we're in my hometown visiting, I enjoy watching the look of torture spread across his face as he spots a 20-something with Spongebob Squarepants sweats in public, on a Sunday afternoon. (Michigan, I'm calling you out, though I have seen this look before in other places! You can do better, mitten state!) I can only imagine the look on his face if I came home with a $900 pair of grey sweatpants and said "but, darling, they're Michael Kors." For a guy that shells out the negativity on Project Runway, Michael missed the mark on this one. Is this some attempt to appeal to those hurting from the recession? To make the upper class fit in with the masses with recession-chic clothing? (I digress but that's been my favorite blurb in the news about the recession, how the upper class has "cut back" because overspending is seen as "gauche." "Well, I was going to get a Ferrari, but I didn't want to seem TACKY.")

I'd rather see six inch heels and dresses I'll never be able to afford...or fit into. Some of us poor, chesty women enjoy the Picassos of the runway, whether or not they'll grace our closets. Back to work, Kors.

Career Choice: Queen of England.

Hear me out!

I would make a great Queen of England...and this has nothing to do with my undying love for Prince William of Wales! I would make a fantastic Queen of England for all of the right, fabulous reasons.

1. My interests in international relations: I speak (or at least attempt to speak) several languages and hold a degree in international policy. I have a Master's which means I'm ready to rule.

2. I look amazing in hats.

3. I would like to travel with a pack of dogs: the queen chose corgis, but there is a Dorgi (doxie/Corgi) or two in the mix, so we know who's really running the Commonwealth!

4. Pearls are a classic accessory, one I look amazing in.

5. I need plenty of real estate, preferably homes decked out with some of the world's greatest pieces of art.

6. Two words: Crown Jewels.

7. Tea: I drink it.

8. Manners: I can learn.

9. Lipstick: because all the real decisions made in this world are made while wearing it. (Unless you're Sarah Palin.)

10. Prince William: I lied, it has something to do with that.

A girl can dream. Besides, if I came along, they might change the song to "God Save Us All."


(Supporting evidence: Dame Helen Mirren. Enough said.)

Don't Ever Change. Truly.

Have you ever wondered what would happen to your favorite tunes if they had been made in the 1980s? Case in point, the Association.
It poses many questions...
I'm wondering if Mary would come along had she heard this version.
And if they're on a cruise ship...
Proof: original versions are always better.

Prepare to have your mind blown.

Because girl power should always be melded with opera.

adTunes

I'll admit it, I'm a sucker for marketing schemes. Besides products in pretty packaging, I am most susceptible to the best marketing strategy of all: catchy new tunes in commercials. These past Olympics provided me with many delicious new(ish) tunes that stuck in my head all day and struck a chord in my Olympic loving ticker.

The best this Olympic season comes from Australian-born Sia Furler. Her new (to the US market) tune "Breathe Me" has been featured in a Coca Cola commercial, as well as the movie preview for the new (Robert Pattinson) film "Remember Me."

Proving that everything in French does indeed sound amazing.

I have, in recent times, started listening to French/Senegalese rapper MC Solaar. French rap is as ridiculous as it sounds...but I love it. What I didn't realize is that long, long ago he collaborated with Missy Elliott. Thus my journey back to 90s music today was sweetened by this little discovery.

Oh, and by the way he studied languages at the University of Jussieu, and was post-graduate in philosophy. I love it when I discover these little bits of commonality.

Happy Spring

Each St. Patrick's Day, I bust out this purse given to me by my late grandmother, the person that gave me my shopping gene. She always believed auctions, variety stores, and garage sales were full of treasures and because of that, I can't pass a dollar store without thinking of her. I often find myself saying "It was only $1!" to my husband, which was her Eureka cry after finding a random marabou-covered item or knick-knack.
Embarrassingly enough in my childhood, I somehow gave her the nickname "Cracker." Though I eventually started calling her Grandma (probably when I learned "Cracker" is somewhat racially charged...) her kids always called her Annette. I have few memories of my dad or his siblings calling her "mom," but I think Annette suited her. Certainly better than "Cracker!" Kids say the darnedest things...

Spring is the time I remember her most. Though she decorated for all holidays, I think she particularly loved Easter, garnishing the house with eggs and baby chicks. What I didn't know about her until she died, however, is that while she brought me a bag of marshmallow Peeps and chocolate bunnies, she brought an even bigger bag of Easter treats to our church for the kids of our Parish who were less fortunate. I didn't realize what a big contributor she was to our church's food bank. But I shouldn't be surprised, that was Annette. Always thinking of someone else.

"If you don't like it, you don't have to wear it," she reminded me when she gave me the purse, knowing how much I loved bags. And sure, it's no Louis Vuitton, but it's one of my most treasured bags because it reminds me that I am a bargain hunting, indecisive, holiday-decorating, Hershey's-chocolate-loving member of the Brown family...

I miss you, Annette.

Another Marchesa Plug

Marchesa seems to be a "maison" I am googling a lot lately and after yesterday's music post I was reminded that Marchesa dressed Oscar nominee Gabourey Sidibe (star of "Precious"). The size talk on the "fashion world" is a dead horse. Screw size issues, I don't care. Just dress to kill...

Even (awesome) femme blog JEZEBEL had to concur:

"Screw porn, Gabourey Sidibe's drapey Marchesa was a money-shot even on this red carpet."

Best Mash Up Yet

The Marchesa website, aside from hosting a smorgasbord of beautiful clothing, mashed up two of my favorite songs: Massive Attack's Teardrop and Led Zeppelin's The Battle of Evermore.

Click to listen. It's track 1.

Genius much?

About

Life, disability, and the pursuit of happiness through lipstick.

Hi, I'm Lindsie. That's Molly

I'm a 30-something Midwest-turned-West-Coaster in the San Francisco Bay Area. I'm much warmer here. This blog was created as an outlet for me to write about the things I love, which is therapy for the posts I write about things I loathe. Here, you'll find much about lipstick...and suicide. Fashion...and disability. Travel...and depression. And should you think that is too broad of a spectrum of topics to cover, rest assured I beat each and every topic like a dead horse.