Tuesday, September 28, 2010

More Ways I Can Irritate You

I have unofficially dubbed this as 'how much more annoying can I get' week. You can learn all about my bad habits this week.

Bear in mind, I am an individual that is hard-wired to go against the grain. This can be blamed partially on my genes and partially because of how much I've had to deal with in life in general. The latter makes me superior than you at knowing what is best for me. I generally don't listen to advice (most of which has been medical in my life) because it never works. I see most pieces of advice as useless tidbits of trivia that will never apply to my life. If they did, I would have thought of them before you. Deal with that. And the more times I am told to do something, the more I will not do it. You can deal with that, too.

I have a few friends that always have immaculate nails. They enjoy getting manicures and collecting multiple bottles of polish. The color is switched up on a semi-regular basis. They have a manicurist. They feel naked without their manicure.

I used to give a crap about my nails. I used to switch the color often. Somewhere along the line, I fell off this wagon. My nails are weak. I never file them. They break off, anyway. I never file the breakage, either. I rarely push back the cuticles. I rip off hangnails in a violent, bloody mess. I sometimes chew my nails thanks to an inherited habit from my father. (I would have much preferred having your track and field abilities, dad.) For some odd reason I have been inspired lately to paint my nails more. I bought a couple of bottles of polish. This is where my suaveness ends...before it truly begins.

I perused Sephora's new line of polishes this summer, usually swatching the colors I liked on my thumb. I bought 3 bottles over a few weeks' time, leaving the swatched color on my thumb. I went to work like this, positively horrifying one friend. (As I am dubbed "Purse Maven" on her blog for obvious reasons, I shall dub her "Manicure Maggie." Her name is not Maggie.) Maggie was truly horrified. I can't blame her, it was tacky, walking around with a painted thumbnail like a bad homage to MJ's white glove. I did this with all three of the colors I purchased. I finally got around to swiping off the thumb swatch...when I felt like it.

Sometime last week I sat down and did a quick paint of all ten fingers with this gray-ish lavender shade I am really into. I am very into gray. I am also into purple when fall rolls around. It happens inevitably every year. It is also inevitable that the magazines will tell you that purple is the it color of this year's fall season. This has happened for probably the past 3 years that I've noticed. Teal sometimes has a Renaissance in the fall as well. As I've said, I don't follow advice very well. This especially pertains to 'in colors' of the season. Though I find some inspiration in seasonal colors, I tend to wear whatever colors I feel like. This includes white after Labor Day. Regardless, I slapped on my gray-ish lavender shade on all ten fingers with little attempt to do a 'manicure' in the traditional sense. No pushing back of the cuticles, no base coats...just paint on all ten nails.

As my manicure winds itself down, I think of you manicured ladies. You know who you are. I look at my chipped nails and think, "this would really annoy my best friend, Cousin S," or "I wonder if Manicure Maggie's going to stop by my desk and tell me it's time to let it go." I should care. I like these people. They are good enough friends to tell me the truth as I need to hear it. I appreciate that above all about them. Still, I have a 'should' detector in my brain. It also carries a pitchfork and has horns. It knows very well the things I should be doing...and disobeys on purpose. Remember, we are close enough that you know to love me is to love my rebellion.

Am I willing to have a trashy looking manicure at the expense of not following advice? For a few days, I am. 
My favorite finger with chipped polish, for your viewing pleasure.

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