Pratik's Birthday // Kayaking in Sausalito

This week was my husband's birthday. I generally celebrate his birthday by taking him on an outing that he's been asking me to go on, but that I've dragged my feet about. Since marriage is about compromise, I've found myself renting convertibles, camping, fishing, and engaging in other outdoor activities that I would not otherwise partake in willingly. This weekend was no exception.

For the past few months, every time we've been by the coastline Pratik has asked me to rent a kayak. After months of asking, today he got his wish. We took our friends Josh and Lauren, Pratik's visiting mom, and Molly to Sausalito to fulfill Pratik's kayaking dreams. Though Molly jumped out of the kayak at the last minute to stay on land with Pratik's mom, I have to admit that today was one of the more enjoyable "compromise" birthday gifts. I was pretty surprised at the amount of water we covered. We were having such an amazing time that we neglected to take photos of our fellow kayaking friends. The views of the San Francisco Bay, the surrounding boats, and the wildlife were quite amazing. I took my old point-and-shoot camera (for fear of capsizing with my big camera), but the pictures still speak for themselves. Happy Birthday, Pratik!

House boats in Sausalito

We saw several seals, including this nearby swimmer.

Boats anchored in the SF Bay

Pratik paddling, having more fun than his facial expressions allowed for this photo.

Perhaps if I rowed instead of taking selfies, he'd have a better time. 

Boats and fellow kayakers in the bay

My favorite boat, called the Hindeloopen, looked like something out of a fairy tale.

This is my second favorite boat. Yosemite Sam on the stern, parked next to a yacht. 

Yosemite Sam's neighboring yacht. 

25 // 16 // 13

Twenty-five years ago today, my father took his own life. Consequently, September 11 was already a glaring date on my calendar long before 2001. In the decades since, many things have happened on or around this date that have made it less the day of patriotism it is for my compatriots, and more of a day about the human experience. Though my emotions run the gamut today, September 11 marks a day in which, through trials, my relationships with certain people have deepened and have been a source of comfort for me on an otherwise bleak day.

I do not hear the same siren call of patriotism that others feel at this time of year. To me, the commemoration of the 9/11 terrorist attacks has often times felt like a contrived way to drum up votes and feelings of nationalism on the backs of those who really suffered that day. Rather, I remember the victims as people, not a platform or a cause. I remember that on that day, many spouses and children were forced into the type of family mine had become 12 years earlier: single-parent. I also remember that for the first time in my life, cracks were made into the surface of my self-imposed isolation.

In the days leading up to the attacks on the World Trade Center, I had already begun my annual ritual of retreating into my own isolated world of self-pity. When the attacks occurred and the nation was bombarded with images of people leaping to their own deaths (my father's mode of exit), it was difficult not to feel like the world was purposefully imposing its cruelty on me once more. It was even more difficult to convince myself of this when, 2 days later, my friend's father died in a car accident. It was at this point that all of my energy was expended trying to separate the 3 issues and not feel like a victim where it was not my place to do so. Though the terrorist attacks at first felt like a violation of my pity-party, my friend's loss turned this on its head. It was the first time I had something concrete to offer with my experience in losing a parent. I had to model for her that though it wouldn't be the same, it would eventually be OK.

For as much as I tried to lead by example, this is a storm that often winds up being weathered together in a mutually beneficial fashion. Perhaps at times it was like the blind leading the blind, but as we navigated the loss of a parent together, I was no longer alone in the situation. The first cracks in my isolation were made, allowing the light from an event 3 years prior into my heart.

Sixteen years ago today, my best friend came out to me as a gay man. Though it only confirmed what I already knew about him deep down, my response was one of fear. He had already experienced peer cruelty based upon what others assumed about him. If he confirmed their assumptions, would the attacks escalate from verbal to physical? Considering that the world came to know the name Matthew Shepherd a month later, my fears were not coming from a place of ignorance.

Much like my friends and family do for me, I often (out of love) overstep when acting as an advocate for him. Though I do not assume he needs my advocacy, as a human being we are wont to connect our life experiences. Much like the way in which I linked my father's death to the 9/11 victims, I link my own life struggles to his coming out experience. When we were young, ignorance about my physical disability made me the brunt of taunts from my peers. As we grew older, the negative attention shifted from me to him. Years later as an adult, I found myself angry about the way I was treated, but downright bitter about the way my friend was treated. Neither of us made choices about who we are, and our roads are already difficult enough to traverse without "help" from outsiders. In addition to learning to be who we are, we were also saddled with the responsibility of sloughing off the hurt left by others. It was easier to shed the hurt from my own experience than it was to put out the torch of bitterness I was carrying for his experience, under the false assumption that I was helping him. It was only recently that he pointed out to me that if he wasn't going to carry that torch, I shouldn't either.

As if he hasn't taken enough time with me to teach me about his experience, he has given me the gift of having something to celebrate on an otherwise difficult day. September 11 marks the day our relationship took a turn. Though it was never anything more than platonic, the relationship between us deepened the day my friend bravely put his confidence in me and told me who he was. His foresight on the cusp of adulthood and bravery in a time, place, and climate that would cause most people to deny their identity brought light to an otherwise dark place in my heart...even if it took years for me to compartmentalize the sadness September 11 brings me and properly commemorate this milestone in my friend's life with the recognition it deserved. He shared with me more than just his identity. He shared the limelight of a day that should be his and his alone to celebrate by understanding that I benefited from his journey.

The word "indebted" seems an understatement when trying to convey how grateful I am for those along the way that have helped me navigate each difficult September 11. Today I hold in my heart those families who were altered 13 years ago. I mourn my father, and share my friend's mourning for her father. I am grateful to have a friend to navigate the experience with as we carry on our fathers' legacies. I also treasure the role my friend's coming out has played in my life. Leading by example, he has taught me how to let go of anger. Though I will probably never get a satisfactory explanation for my father's death or forget every name on my list of people that threw a slur in my friend's direction, he has held my hand as I have taken baby steps on the lifelong path to healing. Healing does not mean forgetting. It does not mean denying the rough situations that have shaped our existence. It means putting down the angry torches we've carried for far too long so that we may live life. September 11, to be sure, is a dark place for me, but "there is a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in."

The Wait is Over // Beautylish Charlotte Tilbury Preview Party

For the beauty-obsessed in the United States, this week marked another British Invasion as Charlotte Tilbury, British makeup artist to the stars, officially launched her cosmetics brand stateside. Now celebrating its 1-year anniversary after launching in the UK last year, the brand was previously only available to US customers via the internet through UK-based retailers. In the year since the brand launched, the products have risen to cult-status for American beauty lovers eager to get their hands on the elusive products. On September 2nd, the wait was over. Those crimson-and-rose-gold compacts can now be purchased with our hard-earned greenbacks, no conversion required. The wait was worth it!

She's thrilled.

Yesterday, San Francisco-based retailer Beautylish held their Charlotte Tilbury preview party. Like many other attendees, this was the first time I've ever seen a Charlotte Tilbury product in person. This was also the first time I have taken part in a launch party for a luxury cosmetics brand, an opportunity that doesn't present itself often. To put it into context, the last time the beauty world has seen the birth of a brand of this magnitude was the launch of Kevyn Aucoin's line in 2001. Though he passed in 2002, his brand lived on and his products are still coveted by makeup lovers the world over. To attend a launch party for a brand that is sure to remain iconic for years to come felt like taking part in beauty history.

Fittingly, Tilbury's inspiration for her product packaging came from the past: "I was inspired by the cigarette cases of the 1920s, the beautiful cut-glass perfume bottles of the 1950s and the timeless allure of Paloma Picasso's lipstick." (Source) What resulted was a line of products so beautifully packaged, it felt like being at an exhibit showcasing vintage beauty products. With crimson boxes with rose gold trim, lipsticks in metal tubes, and the line's pièce de résistance - a compact made to resemble an art deco cigarette case, Tilbury isn't just selling makeup. She's resurrecting the glamour and allure of an era. Perhaps that's why one of her collections (sadly, still only available through the UK site) is called "The Future Vintage", a "great investment in future vintage beauty pieces".

For as much as I can wax poetic about packaging, beauty is, after all, on the inside. What's on the inside of these compacts definitely counts. While I wait for the products I ordered online to arrive, the party was an opportunity for me to try...what I've already bought. (Makeup lover logic.) And for reasons I can't explain (the intoxicating packaging? the cheeky color names?) I've found myself attracted to products in the range that I normally overlook: blushes and highlighters. I have a reasonably tame amount of blushes (a handful) and highlighters (ONE!) in my collection. "It's because I flush so easily," I whined to the makeup artist, Trish, about my face's pale-or-overflushed appearance. She immediately reached for the Cheek to Chic blush in "First Love". A peachy-brown shade with no pink undertones, it will lift and add light when my face is pale, and counteract redness when I flush. And though I've only experienced it once, it blended like a dream. I've already ordered 2 other cheek products from the lineup, but "First Love" is shooting straight to the top of the wish list. I have a feeling that my long-neglected cheekbones are going to be getting the full Tilbury on a regular basis!

Using my powers of logic once more, I headed to the bar immediately after having my face done. Beautylish knows my idea of a good time: makeup, champagne, and desserts. While I reasoned that the blush would probably do a great job of counteracting champagne flush, I would probably have to touch up the lipstick after smearing my lips on a champagne flute and nibbling macaroons. Because cookie eating is part of my daily routine, I've resorted to having to touch up my lipstick regularly. I don't mind, but I also don't put much stock in lip liners or long wear claims. To my amazement, the lip look held up through my dessert table pillaging. (In fact, the swatches I drew on my hand yesterday with the "Lip Cheat" lip liner -though slightly faded- are still there.) Any lip product that can stand up to me hoovering a cupcake deserves to come home with me.

Conveniently, the party was held near Beautylish headquarters at the Clift Hotel which meant that orders could be placed on site and delivered into our hot little hands. While the blush I wanted was already sold out, the lip liner had just been restocked and was available for me to take home. In fact, it was hand-delivered to me by Nils, a Beautylish co-founder, in a beautiful shopping bag with a handwritten note thanking me for my order. This kind of service isn't just reserved for parties, mind you. My orders have always been accompanied by a handwritten note and are always beautifully wrapped. This level of service was especially nice when I ordered myself the Wayne Goss brush set last Christmas and shipped it to my mom's house (which is why my thank you note says "Gail") so that I could open it on Christmas morning. It arrived so beautifully wrapped that I felt like I was truly gifting myself. When the UPS man drops off a box at my house, it feels like Christmas. When it's a box from Beautylish, it feels like Christmas morning. Beautylish has mastered bringing the boutique experience to your doorstep.

Beautylish has been dubbed a "social commerce" site that acts as both a social media platform and an e-tailer. At the preview party, they created an atmosphere in which we could experience the products and communicate with other like-minded individuals about our thoughts on the line. By the end of the evening, most of the attendees were on a first-name basis with each other. Many of us remarked that we couldn't believe we'd stayed the whole allotted time, but we had bonded over the products and our mutual interest in cosmetics. Some had recognized each other from previous product launches. This is the genius of Beautylish; socializing, even with friends we just met an hour ago, has a strong influence on our purchases. We convinced one woman that she should definitely get the red lipstick she couldn't take her eyes off of, despite the fact that her husband doesn't like red lipstick. The positive experience I had in testing the lip products as well as the positive response I got from other women about my look convinced me that the lip liner might actually be worth its salt. But perhaps my favorite moment of the evening was co-founder Nils, a self-professed brush junkie, held court around the Charlotte Tilbury brush line as we pawed at the soft bristles. Brush-loving is a whole separate level of makeup fanaticism, and in that circle I found my people.

In her 20+ year career, Charlotte Tilbury has become an industry favorite, working with the likes of Penelope Cruz, Gisele Bündchen, Rihanna, and Kate Moss. But yesterday I had the pleasure of meeting and mingling with real-life product lovers who had been waiting with bated breath for as long as I have to try her beautiful products. In addition to having the opportunity to see firsthand the birth of a brand, we also had the rare chance to experience social commerce in the flesh. The essence of what Beautylish is as a brand was brought offline and made tangible at the Charlotte Tilbury preview party, and I was honored to be a part of it.