More Ways I Can Irritate You

I have unofficially dubbed this as 'how much more annoying can I get' week. You can learn all about my bad habits this week.

Bear in mind, I am an individual that is hard-wired to go against the grain. This can be blamed partially on my genes and partially because of how much I've had to deal with in life in general. The latter makes me superior than you at knowing what is best for me. I generally don't listen to advice (most of which has been medical in my life) because it never works. I see most pieces of advice as useless tidbits of trivia that will never apply to my life. If they did, I would have thought of them before you. Deal with that. And the more times I am told to do something, the more I will not do it. You can deal with that, too.

I have a few friends that always have immaculate nails. They enjoy getting manicures and collecting multiple bottles of polish. The color is switched up on a semi-regular basis. They have a manicurist. They feel naked without their manicure.

I used to give a crap about my nails. I used to switch the color often. Somewhere along the line, I fell off this wagon. My nails are weak. I never file them. They break off, anyway. I never file the breakage, either. I rarely push back the cuticles. I rip off hangnails in a violent, bloody mess. I sometimes chew my nails thanks to an inherited habit from my father. (I would have much preferred having your track and field abilities, dad.) For some odd reason I have been inspired lately to paint my nails more. I bought a couple of bottles of polish. This is where my suaveness ends...before it truly begins.

I perused Sephora's new line of polishes this summer, usually swatching the colors I liked on my thumb. I bought 3 bottles over a few weeks' time, leaving the swatched color on my thumb. I went to work like this, positively horrifying one friend. (As I am dubbed "Purse Maven" on her blog for obvious reasons, I shall dub her "Manicure Maggie." Her name is not Maggie.) Maggie was truly horrified. I can't blame her, it was tacky, walking around with a painted thumbnail like a bad homage to MJ's white glove. I did this with all three of the colors I purchased. I finally got around to swiping off the thumb swatch...when I felt like it.

Sometime last week I sat down and did a quick paint of all ten fingers with this gray-ish lavender shade I am really into. I am very into gray. I am also into purple when fall rolls around. It happens inevitably every year. It is also inevitable that the magazines will tell you that purple is the it color of this year's fall season. This has happened for probably the past 3 years that I've noticed. Teal sometimes has a Renaissance in the fall as well. As I've said, I don't follow advice very well. This especially pertains to 'in colors' of the season. Though I find some inspiration in seasonal colors, I tend to wear whatever colors I feel like. This includes white after Labor Day. Regardless, I slapped on my gray-ish lavender shade on all ten fingers with little attempt to do a 'manicure' in the traditional sense. No pushing back of the cuticles, no base coats...just paint on all ten nails.

As my manicure winds itself down, I think of you manicured ladies. You know who you are. I look at my chipped nails and think, "this would really annoy my best friend, Cousin S," or "I wonder if Manicure Maggie's going to stop by my desk and tell me it's time to let it go." I should care. I like these people. They are good enough friends to tell me the truth as I need to hear it. I appreciate that above all about them. Still, I have a 'should' detector in my brain. It also carries a pitchfork and has horns. It knows very well the things I should be doing...and disobeys on purpose. Remember, we are close enough that you know to love me is to love my rebellion.

Am I willing to have a trashy looking manicure at the expense of not following advice? For a few days, I am. 

My favorite finger with chipped polish, for your viewing pleasure.

On being inept at cell phones in 2010.

Have you been trying to reach me? So have other people. For years. My ineptness with the modern device known as the 'mobile' has a long history...

I didn't get my first cell phone until 2001 during my second year of college. It was a Christmas gift I had asked for, which means I didn't join the human race until the post 9/11 world. And it was pre-paid. Commitments are not my thing (though I have a husband.) I spent a lot of time on campus and wanted a way other than a pay phone (what's that??) to reach my mom if I needed to while at class/work or to reach friends while bumming around a huge state-school campus.

Funny thing about cell phones: their batteries need to be charged. Regularly, apparently. They also can be detached from the charger and taken with you wherever you go! They are amazing little devices...if you remember to charge them and put them in your bag, preferably in that order. A lot of people used cell phones as a handy little way to lie to their parents about their whereabouts. My mother never cared where I was while at college, so long as she had a general idea of my plans and a way to reach me if necessary. I was never scolded about being out too late and getting my school work done. I was one of the lucky few that had a generally open and trusting relationship with my mom. Instead, I was chastised for receiving a cell phone that was either never charged, or always in my dorm while I was out. Using too much air time was an issue my mother never had with my phone.

Living in Taiwan was an eye-opening experience. I still say the system they had while I was there in 2002-2003 is better than ours currently. All cell phones have a sim card. You don't need to be committed to any carrier or contracts. You simply buy a phone and a sim card. Minutes are purchased on a pre-paid basis at your local 7/11, which are plentiful in Taipei. I am sure that in 2010 they have thought of more incredible ways to be more logical than we are where telecommunications are involved, but this system was ingenious to me at the time, and frankly still is. Sure, we have pre-paid options here in the states, but they still require that you choose a carrier, possibly even have some sort of contract. Most cell phones in the US are pretty much useless when visiting another country, or exorbitantly expensive. When visiting Hong Kong, my friend simply swapped out his Taiwan sim card for a Hong Kong sim card and purchased minutes. Furthermore, these phones were never charged for incoming calls or texts, only for outgoing.

This is part of the reason I chose TMobile. I am married to the sim card idea. My husband has Sprint. It does not work in our house or his lab, nor does it have a sim card. Getting a new phone is a whole process for him that requires going to a Sprint store for them to program it. I can simply switch out my sim card.

Granted, I realize that I am ranting on an invention that is a decade old, which makes it a dinosaur in the technology world. I also realize I am completely oblivious to any new inventions out there that may have surpassed the sim card in convenience. In my world, cell phones are still used for phone calls...

While in Taiwan, it was quite en vogue then to have the smallest phone possible. This is when I fell in love with the V70. I, too, have fallen prey for the smallest possible devices fashion, which is moving past me even where digital cameras are concerned. (I refuse to carry a huge camera. I travel a lot. The SLRs are not for me.) I kept my V70 dinosaur even though I am 3 cell phones past it. One of those phones was the Dolce Gabanna incarnation of the RAZR. My husband was none too pleased at what I spent on it just to have the D&G logo emblazoned on it. I treat phones as an accessory that sometimes receive calls. Prada has a few phones out...these are the most interesting items I have seen on the cell market as of late...which shows you where my priorities lie.

Pack ratting the V70 paid off. My latest incarnation of the RAZR is lying in pieces at home. Don't ask...just picture the Incredible Hulk, which was incidentally my nickname as a 10 pound newborn. (That didn't lead to poor self esteem...)

So I am currently rocking the V70 again. It's battery is coughing and wheezing, asking to be charged at least every 24 hours, or more if I intend to receive calls. I found out the hard way that I am not receiving text messages at the moment. In fact, as you may already know, I am also not taking calls. The battery has been dead since Saturday. This has prompted people to email me, use my landline, and even in one case actually knock on my door.

If my lack of responsiveness has annoyed you, I assure you that I think I am at the height of cell phone fashion with this phone. It's still got a sleek bod. I ooh and ahh at its blue lights. Black and neon blue! Those are its two colors on the screen. The buttons (OMG, my phone actually has buttons) are so tiny, I can barely press them. When I did receive texts, I read about five words at a time before having to scroll (its screen is probably 1"x1"). Texting back was laborious. The charger is bigger than the phone itself. While it does receive calls when charged, it does not have a camera. In fact, I am wondering if, when I did have a camera phone, the photos were stored on the sim card or the phone itself? Is the card full? Is this the reason for not receiving texts? With no way to delete the photos on this phone? It has come to this, all...

I have been complaining about wanting a smart phone for at least a year now. While I do know what those are, I don't know enough about them to choose which one I want. Decision making is a source of anxiety for me, as is committing to a device I have to pay for up front in order to avoid a contract. Furthermore, most of these phones are ugly. Apparently, what the phone looks like does not matter in 2010. They are large, clunky devices that do entirely too much. Often times, they do not have buttons. They require things like data plans added on to your bill. By the time I choose a device I like, I realize it's not on TMobile. Again, I've been a TMobile customer for 7 years, though I've heard rumblings of a Sprint merger. I have unlimited minutes and no contract under the loyalty plan. I am a happy TMobile customer that has rarely had a dropped call. In a small way, taking my business to a company with foreign roots was my small 'F you' to the American cell phone industry, which I have found to be the most inconvenient on the planet. This is my personal opinion with clearly no scientific or technological evidence. Does a person who wants a phone that is magically always charged and grows legs to follow her have the clout to make this kind of judgment? Probably not...

Is there a resolution to this rant? Not today. I will continue to be irritating with my mobile absence. My phone will be charged intermittently. I may or may not receive your texts. I may or may not soon rip the band-aid and breakdown and get a Blackberry, which even as I typed it almost came out "Burberry." Having a Blackberry may bring me in to at least 2005...and if Burberry makes a phone, I'm there...